Written by Lineo Segoete
It is common knowledge that relationships come with confrontations and flaring tempers. Offensive things are said and sometimes done, and often times we are challenged to find ways of salvaging our sanity and or the union itself.
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, especially in relationships because personalities are bound to collide in the process of getting acquainted with one another. The charge is in learning how to remain grounded and within context.
Dealt with positively, confrontations bring individuals closer and intensify the level of openness between them. They shed light on qualities that would otherwise remain hidden.
On the contrary if confrontations are dealt with negatively they may cause never-healing wounds, destroy otherwise strong bonds and create unnecessary animosity.
For a very long time history and traditions have dictated that a woman should be subservient, speak only when spoken to and not contest anything said by the prominent male figures in her life.
In the instance where she does violate these “rules”, punishment follows suit. Either she is deprived of certain privileges or she is reprimanded physically.
The common misconception is that women tend to forget their place and have to be reminded the hard way so they do away with the behaviour entirely.
Sadly some men assume that hitting a woman is the only form of abuse. They figure that they can shove them, yank them like a bag full of corn, tell them who to associate with, dictate what they wear, demoralise them with words and all this will not count as abuse.
Worst even, some men feel they can defend their actions on the grounds that their tempers got the best of them. Their rationale is that they were provoked and could not have helped their reactions.
Many women endure this kind of treatment on the premise that perhaps they instigated being abused. After-all in confrontations both (or more) parties are accountable.
In many cases emotions, attachment and memories induce women to regress back into abusive relationships despite having summoned the courage to get up and call it quits. They are compelled by the hope that things will change as well as the need to forgive, neglecting their well-being and recovery in the process.
Regardless how cheeky, hard-headed or even potty mouthed a woman is, no reasoning qualifies grounds to hit and abuse her. If anything, do the both of you a favour and call it quits if none of your confrontations are constructive. It beats the pain caused by abuse.
2 thoughts on “The common misconception”
Heavy…but On point. Sad that some men use tradition/culture as an excuse. Sounds like cowardice to me. “I can’t admit that i’m not a man so i’ll use tradition as a scapegoat”… And then we wonder why some people aren’t feeling being African…ke lintho tse tjena.
there’s a thin line between pride and prejudice… it’s a struggle striking a balance.